Recovery

It's pathetic really. I thought finally i could stand on my own two feet. Without having someone else worry about me, that i can carry my own weight and more. I thought that i really recovered..

Today is probably the most productive ever. 5 Hours of nonstop thinking, and I came up with so many theories and ways to speed up the fight. All that thinking speeds up the recover. Focusing on the good stuff... The most important being me connecting the two mindsets together. I would have just kept on thinking anyway...the whole day my mind felt really numb. Like the effects of anti-depressants. Nothing went and I just felt like i was in daze the whole day. The 3 hours of class honestly felt more like a full day to me... but at least now i'm able to speak a litte better than yesterday. Not as many panic attacks but that worries me. They may come back tomorrow when my head is clearer. My head really hurts now after the nap. And yes i managed a proper nap. Still had a dream, what i saw got me intrigued.Now now, don't judge me for writing this. Every thing was really blurred,like i was half conscious, the kind just before you pass out? I saw an angel descend upon me. I saw the wings, Her figure. She has about...shoulder length hair and was wearing a white dress but i couldn't make out her face. Then i just woke up in shock. I guess i really calmed down after that. My speech became a little more comprehensible but the daze is gone. Headache's still there. My memories are getting clearer.A PROPER DAMN CHAIN OF THOUGHT IS FORMING.

Its pretty essential for me to..go through this alone too. What if i have dependence on someone now, then because of them i can get back up,and when they leave i'll just break apart again?

I like Eminem's line. I guess we would have to walk a mile in each other's shoes at least. What size you wear? I wear 10, lets see if you can fit your feet. This line. I dont know it motivates me It's like some challenge. you are here for a reason, let's see if you can live up to it.

There's a huge shitload i want to tell to some people...things i cant bear to write. Things i cant bear to say but only when you're alone with me. Ifeel that urge now. My mind must be wearing thin..

And look. I just found something worth going all out for.